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"The Pug"
This year, we initiated a pumpkin carving contest. Last year we couldn't decide whose pumpkin was best, and finally Alan "accidentally" pushed mine off the counter. We decided on the pug as the theme this year.
We submit for your viewing pleasure the results. Please use the following scale to judge these pumpkins:
On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the best:
Pumpkin carving skill. How hard was the design to achieve, and how much skill did the carver exhibit?
Character recognizability. Does the pumpkin look like a pug?
Creativity. Use your own judgment.
Total the points and post each pumpkin's score along with your comment! **** PLEASE SEE NEW DIRECTIONS ON THE ABOVE POST!!!
Judging ends at the stroke of midnight on Halloween, i.e. 11:59 p.m. October 31 is the last minute of voting. At midnight, the pumpkin with the most points will be declared the winner.
There is a lot riding on this bet! Judge wisely!!!
Daisy Mae the bulldog, the pug's new cousin, was one of our weekend guests.
She is quite a chunk of a lady!
Kritter played, but Moe was less than a hospitable host. I need to get that lady who talks to animals to come have a chat with him. My threats of washing out his mouth with soap (he cusses in Chinese pug speak, I know it) does nothing.
How do I socialize a pug who is terrified of human and canine strangers?
College boys should never be treated as actual guests.
Alan's brother brought two friends and his dog, Daisy, for a visit this weekend. I was all excited to have guests.
I cleaned the house top to bottom, weeded the yard, had all the dishes washed and sparkling, baked my bro-in-law's favorite cookies, hung matching bath towels and wash cloths on pegs on the door, put a new air freshener in the bathroom, made the futon and two blow-up beds in the guest room with matching sheets (I went through a cow print stage) and made sure to arrange the beds so that their heads would be close so they could talk before they went to sleep (slumber party memories!)
Yes, I got carried away.
During the course of the weekend, four boys and three dogs dirtied every plate, bowl, cup and utensil in the kitchen TWICE; I was dumb and washed everything after the first day. They completely overwhelmed my baking cookies-scented candle. They filled my fridge with obscure beers. They made the shower smell like a locker room. They didn't even mentioned the matching sheets or the thoughtful bed arrangement.
Why would they - these are college boys! I'd faint if they had noticed. Next time, I'm buying paper plates and cups and suggesting they camp out in the back yard.
Have you ever met people who think the opposite of what you think about absolutely everything?
I work with such people.
Politics, food, clothes, religion, weather - we disagree on everything.
Which was fine at first. Everyone tries to be on the best behavior when someone new comes along. Then the ugly sides come out.
We've had a talk about what I think is some hostility directed at me as the result of our differences. (Note: I've made sooooo much extra effort not to do or say anything that would cause controversy.) I was told that in this business, a person must act like a "#%tch" in order to survive.
I disagree. I've worked at other such businesses before, and nobody there acted like a "#%tch."
The only resolution to the conversation was that the hostility was not directed at me specifically, it was just the manifestation of this "#%tch" philosophy.
An example of the "#%tch" philosophy in action:
Me: Have you seen this (work-related item)? It is funny!
Them: Dirty look. Why are you using (that item) today? There's a *&$ing schedule for when (those items) are used. Look at it and don't use them out of order.
Me: I did. The schedule says (the item) is used today.
Them: Dirty look. We changed it. Use (other item) instead.
This brings me to another gripe about work. Important aspects of our job change rather often. One would assume these important changes will be communicated to ALL the employees the change affects. No!
So what happens when I do something which is now done a different way? You got it - an exchange similar to the one above. If the change is complicated, I get this: "Somebody show special ed over there how to do this."
The "#%tch" philosophy. It's a winner!
Yes, I have a few. In no particular order...
* People who talk so loudly that everyone within a 5 miles radius can hear them. Such a person was on the place back to Houston. The whole plane was staring at him because the volume of his voice was actually palpable. We could all FEEL his voice reverberating throughout the cabin.
* Mosquitoes. May they all die a painful death.
* Math in general. Numbers are annoying.
* People who wait for a parking spot with 10 cars behind them. Park 20 feet farther - you could probably use the exercise!
* Fake people. No, not mannequins or blow up dolls. Be sincere and genuine, or confine yourself to your mirror.
* The phrase "because of the fact that..." This is probably a writer thing, but I cringe every time I hear that.
* Any minority - I'm talking women in the workplace, white rappers, ethnic groups - complaining about how the majority keeps them down. Everybody has a struggle. Use it. It makes us better people. I need to take my own advice on this one, being a republican in the media.
I think the moe's pet peeve is the camera!
What are your pet peeves?
To: Momma
Re: Lap availability
Greetings.
Per a review of the room and a study of laps available, it has come to my attention that you have taken a seat at your computer, thus creating an available lap. As per our previous agreement, i.e. that all available laps must be filled with a pug within ten seconds of the creation of said lap, this paw is here to inform you that a pug will take possession of you lap within the next eight seconds. Please prepare the available lap according to our previous agreement, i.e. clear any other articles from said lap and, when possible, position any food or snack item close enough to said lap as to ensure easy access to the food from the lap.
I appreciate your cooperation with this matter.
Sincerely yours,
Kritter
People on this odd little island hate the seagulls, and they hate when tourists feed them. Well, I like the seagulls, so when Emily came to visit we gave them some of our lunch.
Thank you for your posts and e-mails! We made it home safely.
We left Fort Worth about 9:30 p.m. Sunday and got here about 5:30 a.m. Monday. Traffic on 45 was going normal speed until we got near Houston. Then the dreaded break lights began to stretch for miles a la the evacuation Wednesday. I was all over the map looking for back roads, which saved my sanity on the trip up. A few little jogs and 59 took us home.
Somehow I never got sleepy on either drive. My legs and derriere, however, were constantly asleep, as the pugs refused to park their curly behinds anywhere else but my lap. Toward the very end of the drive Moe decided he was king of the mountain and found a perch atop the pile of our prized possessions. It's odd what becomes a prized possession when you think you're about to lose everything.
We pulled slowly into our neighborhood, which didn't have power yet, dodging alarmingly large piles of branches and debris. Eerie calm gave way to frustrated shoving and digging as we searched for a screwdriver with which to pry away the storm door we had hastily fastened before leaving. I later found it in my purse - don't tell Alan!
My arch nemesis, the mosquitoes, had apparently enjoyed the taller grass and rain. They attacked and swarmed like seagulls for a stray bread crumb. I am not a buffet you hellish imps! We shouldn't have bothered to break in. Once inside we were all burning up, so we went looking for a hotel that was open. Motel 6 had the light on. Had the woman at the counter not been behind bulletproof glass, I might have kissed her. Just about the only damage we have it to our trees and yard. Our huge pecan tree lost mega-huge limbs. Guess who got to use the electric saw?! Alan had the convenient (and very true) excuse that he had to study for his first test of med school, which had been scheduled for the Friday the hurricane hit, then postponed to the next week. So I was the man of the house for the moment, which means I get to use the saw. Considering how I did with the little garden shears, (see "knife fight" post) me with an electric saw could be somewhat of a cause for concern. I think I did quite well. My pile of branches was the biggest on the block until a neighbor who never maintains his lawn went on a chain saw frenzy. Cheater.
For those of you who know about Alan's fish tanks (or should I say his obsession) they came through fine. Despite the power loss and crash diet, we only lost one fish. And even he may show up yet, as there are plenty of places to hid.
The paper asked people to submit their Rita stories for publication, and I got first crack at editing them. Let's just say people put some interesting details in their Rita stories!!! They also drone on and on forever. So on that note...
"The Pug"
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